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Follow up to SOS

Something I didn’t really unpack in “SOS” was how making lists and staying organized and being really OCD about my data and my time makes me a slave.

For instance, I find books I want to read all the time. Currently, I add them to a list and figure out where in my queue that book is going to go.

When I was a kid, I’d read whatever, whenever. There was not a queue. The library had the book on Helicopters or it was going to be the book on Tanks. Either way, I was happy to read. If there was a new book that caught my fancy, I’d get that one instead. I was free to simply enjoy the book. Or to leave it in my backpack and ride my bike instead, because there were no arbitrary rules about the “correct way” to spend my time. I was just living.

I didn’t have past-me puppet-mastering me in to reading or doing anything in a predefined order for no sake other than it seeming good at the time that the list was made.

I used to think of myself as a spontaneous, easy-going guy.

Being married has taught me that I’m not usually either of those things - in fact I’m really touchy and want things to be done just so. So I apply that to myself via lists. It’s control, fear, selfishness and rigidity all rolled into a package that I have turned into an idol.

I can’t wait to start breaking all of my old, dumb, broken, enslaving rules.

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